You must be logged in.
You must be logged in.
Question?! How do you deal with a violent child?
My 3 year old recently started hitting his sister, she is 9 months old. When I would walk out of the room to go get something I would all of a sudden hear her crying, but just last week I saw him nail her right in the face. I was shocked, because we don’t hit him. So I am not sure where it came from, but my main question is how do your children hitting?
At 3, it is going to be harder to reason or explain things to him than say a 5 or 9 year old.
when my kids were around that age (I think around 1 and 4) I reminded them that they were going to be best friends for life, that their parents were older then them and were going to die first, and that the two of them would need to be best friends forever or be alone in this world. Then I’d ask the older child “you wouldn’t hit your best friend, would you?” This results in a lot of hugging between them.
Good luck!
FYI, Stefan Molyneux recently fielded a very similar question that I highly recomend giving a listen/watch:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m8EQx0UWdr8&list=UUC3L8QaxqEGUiBC252GHy3w
Bart Vandalay Thank you for that video that was an awesome explanation and I haven’t thought of all of those implications.
Cool Mark. Yeah I’ve heard Stefan emphasize many times how personalities (good and bad ones) are contagious. Especially for young children. And that we should really view our personalities as a composite of the other personalities we’ve been around. It has really had an impact on me.
Have you considered the idea that your 3-year old is jealous of the attention the baby gets? Maybe make conscious efforts to spend more time with him alone. You probably already think you do, but maybe he doesn’t, and perception is reality. A 3 year old has a short attention span and memory, he may not remember that you just spent 2 hours with him, if he has recently seen you calming the crying baby, changing a diaper, or feeding her… as the 3-year old no longer needs those things, his independence is now a source of angst and jealousy.
I think in very young childhood, there is a lot of exploration with how one’s body can physically affect and interact with their world. Sometimes they have not developed empathy yet. They may have some emotional compassion, some love, but not quite the imagination to really put themselves in the other’s shoes.
So a child could be very pragmatic and less morally inclined about their world. Exploration against all odds and structures.
Your first focus could be to make sure your baby is cared for and soothed so they have the opportunity to learn how to self-soothe.
Secondly, even though your older kid might not yet understand, try to ask them why they hit the baby. Get inside the kid’s head; listen to them.
Give the older kid a game, a sport, an activity, that will redirect all the energy used to be violent. For a young kid, it could be as simple as “punch the pillow not the baby”. Get them excited about boxing (unless you don’t like a high-injury sport). At this point one parent can focus on the baby and the other can focus on distracting and redirecting the kid.
Try to incorporate questions and morality now, but if it falls flat just try occasionally until your kid gets older. I was playing with my friend’s niece and nephews a little while ago, and those kids are brutal on each other. They play hard, and don’t care. But also have their own limits on rules and safety.
