David Hynes March 3, 2015 at 6:25 am

t;Just for the laughs (and who knows, maybe a kind of hidden help to some of us…), I thought it would be fun to start a thread on, “Stuff people say in their profile that is an instant turn-off and why.” Even if the impressions are totally off it’s funny just to hear what people think when they read something.

People could also post the inverse as well, just to keep it positive ^_^ !

Some turn-offs I can think of-

“I’m looking for my prince” (Hasn’t thought about  relationships in a deep way and is still in Disney mode.)

“I love the beach” (Shallow party person> Also, the beach,as a hobby, is boring and should be visited like once a year or something unless it’s within say 30 minutes of travel.)

“I’m down to earth” (Probably the opposite if you need to say it rather than demonstrate it!)

Turn ons-

“Learning about [something]” (Uses her head, values new information)

Of course, the more context there is and other things there are to read, or you’ve interacted some, the more you get a better sense of how someone is and the initial reactions to these things might not apply anymore.

Anonymous March 3, 2015 at 6:20 pm

I noticed on OKCupid that the women I came across with the words: “I absolutely hate drama” are the biggest drama queens. Also checklists. Some women will have checklists of all these things that a man has to be for them to be considered (usually superficial stuff), it’s entertaining but I feel sorry for the guy that ends up with those types.

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Sarah Meyer March 5, 2015 at 9:44 pm

I’ve got one… and it doesn’t make much sense to most people – so I fully expect to get roasted.

When he puts in the disclaimer: Any variation of “My children always come first” or “My top priority is my children”.

A: He’s likely a divorced dad. This typically means he gets the kids on the weekends, because that’s typically how it works… sometimes he gets half-time, or something better than weekends, but not usually. So, what I read between the lines is “I will drop everything and run to my dramatic ex-wife at her every beck and call because… the kids.” He’s essentially saying, you must be ok if I’m on the phone with my ex for 3 hours every night to talk about little Timmy’s head cold.

B: If he truly does make his entire life about his children, why is he on a dating site? Go play with your kids, man. Come back when you’re ready and able to focus on a relationship. It’s ok if you’re not, I’m not judging – I just happen to be ready, and you’re not.

C: Mature relationships balance family life. The adult relationship is equally as important as how the adults relate to the children. EQUAL. If you don’t understand that you’re relationship with your partner is just as important, I’ll pass.

D: As a libertarian, I cherish the individual. If your identity is singular to fatherhood, you’ve lost something of yourself. Again, not judging – it happens to women all the time. Come back when you’re you again.

Now… I’m a mom, so most people think I’m hypocritical. A widowed mom of 2, I don’t get weekends “off” I didn’t choose to be single, my kids truly are my greatest responsibility as their sole parent. My children are my number one priority, and I get why people throw that in as a disclaimer (sort of). I don’t, though. I will say I’m a mom, I’ll mention that I have 2, and how old they are – that statement alone is all that’s needed. I do not need to qualify my motherhood with any level of “priority” someone else must learn to accept. It’s implied, and obvious.

Any man worthy of my time is going to understand the scheduling conflicts, and the fact that my kids must be treated with the same respect I am. The disclaimer simply screams to me “I’m not sure how to balance dating and being a dad.”

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David Hynes March 6, 2015 at 12:27 am

Actually that, “I prioritize my kid above everything” comment also bothers me, for similar kinds of reasons.

Basically, I think that your relationship with your partner should be the most important thing. Why? Well, if you had done that in the first place (obviously being a widow notwithstanding), you wouldn’t be a single parent to begin with. Parents who are in love and work to maintain that connection are going to create a good environment for their kids. You need to, within reason obviously, be able to call in a baby sitter or whatever and go for a date whether little Johnny approves or not. He is the kid. You are the adult. You are not subordinate to your child, they are subordinate to you. I think society in general has really lost this, or gone in the opposite direction of neglect either emotionally or (hopefully not but sometimes) materially. I guess you could call it “balance”, but for me there is a definite hierarchy, with obviously there being a lot of personal responsibility on the part of the parent.

As a suitor, I understand that *at the moment*, the child is going to come first, that makes perfect sense. But if things get serious, the relationship does need to take precedence because I could wind up being dad. Being a stepdad is extremely hard as it is without going into that with a partner who has mixed up priorities. Stable parent relationship -> Stable home environment -> kids also get taken care of materially and emotionally.

Honestly, if someone is a single parent they have already demonstrated a serious lack of discretion in the aspect of managing the adult to adult relationship, so unless I really see a tremendous amount of maturity  emanating from that person, I would avoid.

Being on the phone with the ex- I dunno, I was a child of divorce. My dad hated when my mom called during our time and didn’t want to talk to her outside of our time together either. She didn’t bug him over trivialities except because of visitation issues. Depends on the person you’re dating, their ex, and their kid.

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Dawn Hoff March 10, 2015 at 12:53 pm

I was a kid of a divorce – and my dad put his new relationship first over me… He doesn’t really see that much today, let’s just put it that way.

I love my husband, but my kids come first – my love for my husband is conditional, my love for my kids is unconditional. I does not mean that I will not not go on a date with my husband, but does mean that if my kid is not OK with the babysitter, I will come home. I put these kids into the world, so did my husband, and we are 100% responsible for them, we are not responsible for each other. But I believe that it is important for children to grow up in a stable relationship with two parents who love them unconditionally – so I will do my very best to keep my marriage happy, for me, and for my kids.

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Sarah Meyer March 10, 2015 at 1:55 pm

I’m not sure what happened between you and your dad, but if he neglected you.. that sucks. I’m certainly not saying anybody should neglect their children. I was simply saying that I will steer clear of a dating profile where a dad has already knocked their potential lovers down a notch, and essentially “put them in their place”.

Plus, your kids grow up and leave you to be productive adults on their own, your husband is the one you grow old with, not them.

The main reasoning behind my dislike for the comment on a dating profile (among all the other impressions I listed) is that it indicates that someone is prioritizing the love of a lover as ‘less than’ the attention and time required to raise their children. I fully recognize that I love men in a very different way than I love my children. That’s why I don’t try to compare them.

I’ve known lots of women who morph from wife into mother… failing to embrace both personas. I abstain from judgment, but when I’m in a position to “judge” a potential suitor, you betcha I have the prerogative to do so.

Oh… and another reason I thought of. When someone says you are automatically a low(er) priority in their life before even meeting you, they’re providing themselves a pre-manufactured “out” to give you little to no time and attention.

I’ve been single for nearly 10 years, and had only one relationship (for a couple years) during all this time. Most of my family and friends have given up on me because I only go on a date… usually dragged kicking and screaming… once or twice a year. So, there you go. It’s not exactly like I’m entirely successful at the dating while raising kids business either. But I do know that when I get married again, that man will be everything I need him to be for ME, not my kids. They’ll be off doing their own thing soon enough, and then what? I’m the crazy old maid with 37 cats? LOL no thanks.

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Dawn Hoff March 10, 2015 at 2:35 pm

Honestly I think that it is just as often the husband who fails to morph into a dad rather than just a husband. Many men expect to be number one even after the kids are born, and be it even within a very short time.In Denmark that is the general culture – always put your relationship first – I’ve seen people get tickets for movies with the hubby as a maternity gift, incl. babysitting – so as not to “forget the relationship”. So I think that a man who puts his kids first is really responsible and sexy – and it lets me know that he will not let me get between him and them. I think that is very mature. Any body can have an easy “out” if they aren’t that into the other person, if not they will make one up 🙂

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David Hynes March 12, 2015 at 7:42 am

“Put the spouse first” does not mean, “neglect your kids” to me. I think Sarah put it well when she said they are simply different relationships with different needs, but my baseline assumption is that if you have a kid, you are taking care of that kid and making sure their needs are met, within reason. And what I mean by, within reason is that, for example, when it’s time to go to bed, it’s time to go to bed, and you may not stay up and disrupt mom and dad’s special time of snoring in each other’s arms in front of the TV at 11 or whatever it is we’ll wind up doing for “fun” when we have kids.  

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Toni Sopocko March 14, 2015 at 7:13 pm

Well, realistically speaking, a person should put a spousal relationship first.  If for no other reason than to demonstrate to the children how adults ought to behave with each other.  I mean, you are supposed to raise your kids to leave your home and make a successful family of their own.  How will they know what that is if they don’t observe it first hand?

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David Hynes March 15, 2015 at 8:35 am

<p>That’s kind of my point. You have to maintain the adult relationship to be an effective example and to serve your kids’ needs effectively. If your spouse has needs that aren’t being met, sure they can handle it better than a child can but it’s a bad long term strategy. Just because adults can be long suffering or suck it up and make sacrifices doesn’t mean it should be a general practice. That’s how divorces and cheating happen. You can be late on changing the oil on your car on occasion but doing it all the time is going to destroy the longevity of it. Relationships are like durable goods, you have to maintain them if you want them to last and continue to produce.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>There’s a little Austrian economics for ya =p</p>

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James Smith March 11, 2015 at 11:49 pm

“Books and book culture seem pretentious to me” – not sure there’s anything you can say to that.

“I am a [insert fad sexual orientation]” and then “google it”

“Don’t message me if you’re a dick” – I’m not sure what the purpose of this is. Does anybody self-identify as a dick? In any case this is off putting for me. Way too hostile.

“I’m in love with my horses” I don’t doubt it. Consistently, people who are massively into horses have trouble associating with human beings.

“Into social justice” as opposed to being into social injustice?

“[anything] enthusiast”is just unoriginal

“Go with the flow” you have no standards whatsoever

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David Hynes March 12, 2015 at 7:37 am

“Consistently, people who are massively into horses have trouble associating with human beings.”

LOL! Proof?

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James Smith March 13, 2015 at 12:08 am

Haha, I mean, we all knew that one kid in class who’s only identifiable personality trait was that they liked horses, had a horse pencil case, a horse back pack, and didn’t have many friends … no?

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Mike Reid March 12, 2015 at 11:41 am

There’s actually a pair of people talking about their horses right beside me in the Tim Horton’s where I’m working today.

 

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Frank Marcopolos March 12, 2015 at 12:17 pm

“Tim Horton’s” is Canadian for Starbucks, right?

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Anonymous March 14, 2015 at 5:39 pm

This thread is fun. 🙂

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David Hynes March 15, 2015 at 8:37 am

I’m glad you’re enjoying it 😀

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Zain D March 15, 2015 at 6:36 am

Pretentious job titles are a huge warning sign for me.

“Sanitation engineer” : Janitor

“Beauty therapist” : Make-up artist

“Customer Needs Officer” : Cashier

Seriously unless you actually build something (physically or digitally) you are not an engineer. Unless you are trained specifically to help people with their physical or psychological needs you are not a therapist.

I’m going to start referring to myself as an “educational facilitator with a specialization in scientific literacy”.

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Brian Farmer November 24, 2015 at 10:07 pm

It’s a turnoff if girls say they don’t have pets.  If they can’t handle the responsibilities of a pet, how can they expect me to believe they can handle the responsibilities of a relationship?

 

Overweight girls who want a guy who is physically fit is a turnoff to me.

 

Numerous spelling mistakes is a turnoff to me.  If she is that stupid/lazy/careless, how serious can she be about a relationship?

 

Pictures showing her engaging in an activity is a turnoff.  The purpose of pictures in a profile is to show what you look like.  If a photo doesn’t flatter you, don’t use it.

 

I like it when a girl writes a lengthy profile, which shows me she has a brain and is willing to use it.

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